Telecare BC News

Words to the Wise Helper: Supporting A Grieving Person

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 20:58:50 GMT

Words to the Wise Helper: Supporting A Grieving Person

To live means to experience loss. Loss comes in diverse forms, from losing a cherished toy as a child, breaking up with one’s first love, being skipped over for a promotion, or death of parents. Loss will impact us throughout our lives.

With loss comes grief. Grief is a deep sadness for what has been lost and a profound longing to fill the

hole left behind.

Recently Telecare’s Executive Director Bill Strom joined grieving people who took part in a Memorial Walk sponsored by LIFE Recovery. The event was organized to remember victims of drug overdose and their mourning families and friends. At the invitation of Colletta Holmes, LIFE Recovery leader, Bill shared briefly on the topic of loss and grief and referred to the training materials used with our crisis line volunteers.

When supporting a grieving person, we are tempted to use well-intended statements that may in fact cause unnecessary pain. Such statements include:

Asking the person, “Are you over it yet?” or “Do you feel better?” In a sense the grieving person will never get over the loss as it is not a condition that clears up. The grieving person will, over time, learn to live life in a different way without their loved one.
Saying “You know he / she is in a better place” or “At least he/she is not suffering”. For a Christian it is a comfort to know that our loved one is with the Lord and pain free, but for the one left behind such statements do little to take away the emptiness or answer why this even happened.
Saying “I know how you feel”. Each loss is unique and each person will grieve in their own way. We likely do not know how they feel really.
Saying “At least you had him or her for so many years” tends to minimize the grief because it implies that one would not feel so bad if the person had lived longer.
Saying “God never gives us more than we can bear”. This may be true, but for now there is a need to be sad and to cry. Don’t be afraid of tears, just let the grieving person talk about his or her loved one.

So how might we support grieving people better? Consider these best principles and practices for call

responders and people helpers:

Be aware that each person’s grief work is unique to their personality and relationship with the deceased.
Be ready to be a good listener. The grieving person may need to tell their story of loss many times.
Be human. By being real and in the moment, we allow grievers the right to their feelings without judgement. Be open and humble to learn from them.
Be sensitive in allowing the grieving person to experience their pain; don’t try to lighten the mood. Strong feelings may be expressed, and tears may flow, but do not back away from them.
Be patient and understand that grief takes times. Do not attempt to hurry the grief journey by trying to force your timetable on them.
Be realistic. Realize that supporting a grieving person may take more time, sensitivity, patience, and learning than you first anticipated.

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Telling Our Stories: Telecare Training Impacts Life

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 19:33:05 GMT

Telling Our Stories: Telecare Training Impacts Life

How has the training helped you?

Recently a small group of seasoned volunteers met and were asked how Telecare's training had helped them before coming on the line. Sarah (names have been changed) found that training has helped in her personal life as she interacts with family and friends; she learned that it is okay to just be quiet when listening and not anticipate answers people close to her will give when she asks open-ended questions.

Kyla responded that Telecare’s training on diverse topics gave her increased confidence and skill in responding to callers with complicated lives and emotions. Lastly, Bernie stressed that he learned the importance of asking open-ended questions to draw people out, and the “need to listen to understand” first rather than to be understood.

Lastly, Bernie also found that training gave him valuable insights he could transfer to his life with his wife and friends.

Trainees gain confidence

Before serving on the phone lines, a Telecare volunteer must complete training. The curriculum covers fourteen topics relevant to supporting hurting people, for example listening, communication, confronting with care, understanding Telecare’s helping philosophy, crisis and suicide intervention, addictions, anger management, and more. The training provides knowledge on issues that may arise during a call and offers the best ways to interact with the caller in different situations. Trainees gain confidence by practicing roleplay calls where they apply these topics and issues in listening situations.

Improve your life skills

The stories of Sarah, Kyla, and Bernie could be your own. Telecare welcomes anyone who would like to improve their life skills. Even if you do not end up serving on the phone lines, you would grow in supportive listening skills.

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News and Notes for October 2022

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 18:56:14 GMT

Telecare's News and Notes for October 2022

Internships

We continue to draw Christian students from local colleges and universities who serve as interns. Following their time of service, we provide letters of reference if requested for their use to secure advanced schooling or employment. While most students serve on the phone lines, some work behind the scenes in public relations and marketing. Know anyone in these categories? Have them contact the office at admin@telecarebc.com .

Volunteer

Training Our training will soon be including one or two in-person sessions along with the online curriculum. For people living far from Abbotsford, we will make accommodations for you to get trained without driving too far. As we seek out volunteers, we are looking for mature Christians who have a heart for helping others and value getting trained. If you want to get the ball rolling to become a volunteer, or know someone who does, contact the office at admin@telecarebc.com .

Listen Up!

Our community workshop for churches is now back in-person (though an online version remains if that is best for you). Listen Up! is also available in brief form for business partners lunch-and-learn to train employees and managers. Know someone who might like to book a workshop? Direct them to Listen Up!. See https://www.telecarebc.com/listen-up-workshop

Pray with Us!

Please pray for us as we are experiencing reduced giving.

Please pray for our volunteers who do the heavy lifting listening compassionately on the lines.

Please pray for our board and leadership team as they seek to lead with wisdom.

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